


and all you wanted was somebody who cares

by sapphicish



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: F/F, Post-Finale, mentions of THAT canonical character death :(, tegan simped for annalise all this time and it finally paid off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicish/pseuds/sapphicish
Summary: Tegan and Annalise never get married.
Relationships: Annalise Keating/Tegan Price
Comments: 14
Kudos: 84





	and all you wanted was somebody who cares

Tegan and Annalise never get married.

It feels like they're past that stage of their lives already, when they first get together, when Annalise _finally_ fucking returns the favor of saying _I love you_ back after so many years of Tegan's silent longing. She's never worked so hard to get a person in her corner before, never thought day and night about just falling to her knees and begging, please. Please love me the way I love you, oh God, please, you complete asshole.

In her defense, it isn't so many years. Far less if you don't count the years before the confession, before they got together. But it doesn't feel like it, it doesn't feel like anything less than the entire time she's known Annalise. It feels like she's been waiting forever for something that she fully thought never was coming.

When the relationship starts, she never says it, for Annalise's sake, even though it hangs over them like a weight about to drop down and crush their skulls and end what feels actually like a lifetime of yearning. On Tegan's part, anyway. She doesn't say it, she whispers it in bed after Annalise has gone to sleep, she smiles freely and laughs loudly and makes this one woman she adores so fucking much as comfortable as possible, because even though it's stupid, even though she knows it's stupid, she feels like she owes it to her. Everyone owes it to Annalise to give her some goddamn peace and relaxation for once.

It doesn't happen for a while, obviously. Frank, Bonnie...it takes a toll, it ruins something and creates something new again, and that's what this is. Their relationship is the something new. Everything else is the ruined. The shooting puts Annalise in a near catatonic state for almost two months, and it's Tegan who helps her through it, Tegan who knocks on her door every morning with a pastry and coffee, maybe some doughnuts or something. She does it every day for – and she counts – fifty-six days. Constantly. Only once is she a few hours late because of several reasons – her alarm didn't go off, the traffic is shit, the list goes on, and the first thing she did when Annalise's door opened was apologize.

(Annalise snorts, face clear of makeup, eyes tired, hand shaking a little on the doorknob, says _Tegan, I'm a big girl, you don't have to apologize for being late to something that isn't even a thing,_ and they don't talk about how for once Tegan didn't have to knock for the door to swing wide open, and how it absolutely is a thing.)

On the fifty-seventh day, they visit Bonnie's grave and Annalise waits until they're back home (and it's weird that she thinks of it as _home,_ she has a place of her own, but there it is, wherever Annalise is is home and that's so goddamn fucking sappy that the moment she realizes it she wants to shoot herself) to collapse in Tegan's arms, gasping and crying until she's hysterical.

Afterwards, she says, “Oh, God, I need some vodka.”

And Tegan says, wiping a tear from Annalise's cheek and pretending it doesn't mean anything, “No, you don't.”

She sleeps over because it's too late in the evening to do anything else and watching Annalise cry is almost as emotionally draining as her own crying, and she's exhausted, and she doesn't ask, Annalise just says, _come on,_ and goes up the stairs, and Tegan follows.

Tegan always follows, sort of like a puppy who doesn't know any better, sort of like a grown woman who doesn't know any better. She says, _I can sleep in the chair,_ and Annalise gives her an incredulous look that shuts her right up.

So they share the bed, and Tegan wonders how it feels, how Annalise feels knowing that she confessed her undying love to her not all that long ago and now they're in bed together. She almost – _almost_ – fears that Annalise will end up thinking that she's trying to do something, take advantage, something.

She stays on her side of the bed and barely sleeps at all because of that horrible thought, but Annalise's soft breathing beside her lulls her into a complacent sort of calm anyway.

She wants it to last forever.

It kind of does, over time. They go back to basics, to working, and Tegan still visits every day because now it's the routine that _she_ can't snap out of, even though Annalise is working through her grief at a reasonable pace now. They visit Frank and Bonnie at the end of every month, and sometimes Annalise cries and sometimes she doesn't, and sometimes Tegan cries and sometimes she doesn't. It's never as bad as the first time, and Annalise never goes on her own. Tegan thinks about that a lot. She's the one Annalise has chosen to bring with her, each and every single time, and she always _asks,_ she doesn't just expect it, and obviously she goes every time, obviously she clears her whole schedule on that day just in case.

She'd clear her whole schedule forever for Annalise, would probably run into traffic for her, would do anything and everything, and it's like Annalise knows it but doesn't hold it over her, doesn't grip it tight like a chain leading to Tegan's vulnerable neck.

Tegan doesn't date. She feels like she's past the age of dating now, like there's so much shit that's happened that she can't possibly get close to someone like that ever again, but – fuck, she knows the truth. She's waiting. Like an asshole, like one of those dogs in the documentaries where their owner dies and they just spend the rest of their lives sitting at their grave sites waiting for them to come back or something.

She thinks constantly about the confession, about the way Annalise rejected her, about the way she'd felt nothing but more love for her afterwards and that, in a way, was _infuriating,_ that Annalise had been so sincere and that Tegan's heart was being stomped all over but she still just wanted to hug her, to promise that everything would be okay, to promise it all.

Things sort of go back to normal. Or their new normal, whatever. Tegan invites her out to a club one night, six months after the shooting, and Annalise says, after much debate, “Sure, why the hell not,” and she feels sort of like that sums up their entire thing, whatever it is.

At least on her side. Sure, why the hell not invite Annalise to a club? Sure, why the hell not dance with her? Sure, why the hell not sling your arms around her and hold on and giggle into her neck, even though you've just had one drink because you don't want to drink in front of her because that's a dick move? Sure, why the hell not accompany her to the bathroom because she asked? Sure, why not kiss her there, which is stupid, which is not something she should be doing at all? People who kiss in bathrooms are strangers who want to fuck on the dirty sink, not people who have so much unspoken shit between them, with one of them having confessed their love and the other one having said, _no thanks, that's not for me._

It's just that it's Annalise. Tegan can't blame it on the one drink, can't blame it on the vibrant adrenaline that comes with the pumping music outside, the kind that's making even the stall doors shake a little. She can blame it on herself and she can blame it on Annalise, who's leaning close to the mirror and fixing her lipstick and grumbling about '24-hour wear, my ass.'

Annalise looks good, and Tegan feels good, so she taps her lightly on the elbow and when Annalise turns around she just goes for it, kisses her, there. Boom. Done. It's over now and Tegan can get back to her life.

That's the way she feels right then, except Annalise is all still and quiet, not kissing her back, not doing anything, and this horrible rush of dread hits Tegan right in the sternum, like she's been punched. “Shit,” she says clumsily, pulling back. “Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't—“

That's when it all starts, when everything snaps back to being well and truly not awful again for her, because Annalise leans back in and says, “Shut up, Tegan,” and her voice is all throaty and warm and then they're kissing in a bathroom, mutually that time around.

Lesbians move fast, that's the old joke, and it's always been true for Tegan. More or less.

Not now.

With anyone else, she would've already moved in, bringing all her shit with her, leaving her apartment behind. She would have already gotten down on one knee and proposed or some shit. She would have said _I love you, I love you, I love you,_ and god damn it, she really does want to say that, more than anything. She catches herself sometimes: _I l—ove that lipstick, can I come take it off you? I lo—st my keys, help me look for them?_

Stupid.

She takes baby steps instead – never asks to stay over but Annalise always suggests it, kisses only as much as Annalise kisses her back. Sometimes she'll kiss her out of the blue for no reason, like couples do, testing the waters to see how she'll react. She doesn't know why she does it, as if Annalise will suddenly declare war on her for a single kiss, but sometimes it feels that way, with how they never talk about The Conversation and never really talk about anything.

That's a lie – they talk. She calls every morning just to say _good morning, how are you, do you want anything specific and if not I'll just come over with the usual, a bear claw for you and coffees for both of us, did you sleep okay?_

Sometimes Annalise doesn't answer that last question—she doesn't need to.

So it's a whole goddamn year until she gets what she gets, which is so quiet she almost misses it, and wouldn't that be a cosmic fucking joke if she did. “I love you too,” Annalise says in lieu of saying her usual _goodnight, Tegan,_ which sometimes will come in place of a _come upstairs with me or a stay the night._ Tegan's hand is on the doorknob when it happens, twisting, and it snaps back into place when she lets go and turns to stare at the woman opposite her.

“Uh,” she says, which is not something she should say in response to something like that, but she's feeling kind of faint so she figures it can be excused. “I didn't...say it.”

Annalise shrugs. She looks far too casual to be saying something like this now, her face clean of makeup and her arms crossed across her pajama-clad chest. “You've said it before. And thought it.”

“Does that mean I can finally say it?” Tegan jokes weakly.

Annalise smiles. “I was never gonna stop you. Goodnight, Tegan.”

Tegan wants to throw herself into the arms of this beuatiful, infuriating woman and cry. She plays it cool instead. “Goodnight, Annalise.” She closes the door behind her, gets into her car, starts it up, sits behind the wheel, whispers _oh my god_ under her breath, and feels the stupid grin on her face making all the muscles ache the entire way home.

She texts Annalise when she gets back to her apartment, before she even takes off her shoes or looks into her fridge for something to snack on to calm her nerves. _I love u too in case it needs to be said. Ill see u tmrw._ Heart emoji, heart emoji, heart emoji.

Annalise texts back right as she's getting in the shower. _Really? We're doing that thing now?_

Tegan grins and leaves her on read.

It doesn't need to be said, anyway.

They've always known the answer.


End file.
